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Dear Everybody,

I haven’t written in so long because I’ve been working on not writing very frequently.
I feel that I’ve succeeded in my quest. It’s been over a month since I last updated my blog.
SUCCESS.
Actually, in all seriousness, I haven’t been able to get myslef to… myself. Silly me. Myslef…what a funny sounding word that should be a real one.
Actually, have you ever heard the phrase: if you don’t have anything good to say, don’t say anything at all, ever? I took that phrase quite literally these past few weeks. I renounced language as a whole and took a vow of complete silence. Only recently did I realize how stupid it is to make a vow of speechlessness when your main source of income relies on your ability to interact with people. So, after only one day of trying to nod an answer regarding questions like:” What on your menu is under five dollars?” and ” What kind of dressings do you have?”
I decided a vow of silence wasn’t a good idea. My boss also didn’t like my dressing swatches I’d painted on the front of the register.
Actually, I lost all my fingers in a cat mauling. I couldn’t type. Only recently did I acquire the fingers of a ninety year old woman who died from shock. Her fingers were bitten off by her dog, but luckily he swallowed them whole. So now I can type. Slowly. Old fingers.
Actually, I am blind. Blind as a bat. I can hear the sound waves of my voice pinging off the keyboard as I scream at it. Being blind I have no clue whether or not my shenanigans are accomplishing anything at all.
Actually, I was sucked into a vortex that lead straight to a place where there is no talking or typing. We just read a lot.
Actually, I was in the woods for the past month.
Actually, I got caught in my zipper.
Actually, I was in Jamaica.
Actually, I’m dead.     ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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Alright. Actually, I’m not making excuses. I’m just trying to be funny. Ha Ha, hardy har har. Har Har Har.
I haven’t been writing because I haven’t.
And there’s nothing you can do to stop me from stopping. Stop writing. You cannot stop me from stop writing.
Honestly. That should be an Olympic sport. Stop Writing. They’re letting all sorts of ridiculous activities in Olympics nowadays. Stop Writing: the hottest thing since a disc toss. I can picture it clearly.
” ANNNNNNNNNNNND it looks like everybody is at their consoles. I’m telling you Jerry, you have a seriously generic and stereotypical name.”
” You got it , Bob.”
” Mercy on a stick, is my name Bob? Anyway, it looks like the race is about to begin. Stop writing, they’re calling it.”
” Ridiculous, Bob. The top contestants today are none other than Germant ooooop typo. Germany and the good ol’ Isre of al.”
” It’s an good old fashioned grudge match, Jerry. Some of us are hoping for bloodshed.”
” Don’t count on it, Bob. I doubt wars would even exist if we solved all our problems through Stop Writing.”
” Explain this to me Jerry: what is Stop Writing?”
” I’d love to, Bob. But it looks like our contestants are about to start.”
” Let’s take it to the floor.”
” Ready…and…STOP WRITING!”

BAM!

Loveme.

To Everybody at Virginia Tech,

Our hearts go out to all of you, to the families of the students who lost their lives, and to all who are fighting to recover from injury.

My heart also goes out to the gunman and his family, that the reason for this massacre would come to light, and a lesson of some value would be found in the midst of this heart-wrenching experience.

With a sincere and heavy heart,

Nathan

P.S.

Everything you do matters.

If someone is angry at you, show them kindness. If someone hates you, show them love.

Removing eye for eye will make everyone blind, and hate will kill us all.

Do not pick and choose your friends. Be a friend to everyone.

Love EVERYBODY.

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Dear Everybody,

Why has it been so long? Why have neglected to write you all with the passion and fervor that each and every one of you beautiful people deserve? Why did I not take the time while I was in Nashville spending time in the wonderful company of John, Fleming, Frankie, Todd, Eon, Allen, Kelly, Frally, Laurel, Jeff, Josh, Jason, Lindsay, Molly, Cameron, Shannon, Meg, Bridgette and the rest of Meg’s kids to give you an encouraging word or drop a silly anecdote like it was hot? Why all last week would I not sit down with Daniel’s i-Puter and type out a hello for all the adoring people who love us? Why couldn’t I have done the same on my computer the week before that? Why couldn’t I get myself to sit down on my small, yet effective, butt and write, in the very least, a small paragraph to say: ” Yo. Wassup homies of my heart?” Why couldn’t I have used the powers of the mind to formulate a single word on the pulsating screen of my computer, with the help of a keyboard attachment? Why didn’t I just bang out a undecipherable sentence on my QWERTY keyboard in less than ten seconds like so: Hal makes chocolate good to the taste of it. Why didn’t I let you all know that I was alive, and well, and kicking, and possibly sleeping, or be nourished by some food types, or making cheesy bread which is, or can be, thickly sliced French bread slathered with a ranch dressing mixture and topped with shredded mozzarella and cheddar cheeses mhmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm that’s tasty. Why do I also like mozzarella cheese sticks, deep fried and in my mouth? Why am I talking about food and ignoring the question of why I have put off speaking to everybody for so long? Why am I beating around the bush? Why am I beating the leaves off the bush? Why am I gripping the bush with both my hands, tearing it up out of the earth, spitting on it, telling it it’s fat, then apologizing to it for being mean, replanting it, giving it a kiss, saying NOT!, then lighting it on fire and pretending that I’m Moses? Why won’t I tell you the truth? Why can’t I be honest? Why can’t we all just get along? Why don’t we all just ask at the same time: Nathan, why did you neglect us? Why not join me? Why not say it on three? Why, 1….2…..3…

Why did you neglect us so much, Nathan?

Why? I’ll tell you why: I……I forgot the “I” in front of neglected up at the top of this letter. Let’s see….”Why have neglected to write you all…” Yep. I totally destroyed that entire sentence. That is just sad. It sounds like neglected is a group of some type of deranged ruffian backpacking lepers from the Swiss Alps, because without the “I” neglected sounds like a subject that’s plural that really doesn’t work very well where it’s at. Oh, Spell check! Where art thou brother, Sentence Check? One mistake and the whole thing sinks to the berry bottom of the bowl. Like eating all the good stuff and saving the marshmallows to float alone in the milk without friends before you decide to eat them as well. I am so sorry everybody, I thought I was really changing lives with this one.

Love,

Nathan

P.S. I also forgot Fleming’s Mom and her name. I’m sorry Fleming’s Mom for my forgetfulness, but it was a pleasure getting to spend time with you.

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Dear Everybody,

So much has happened since I last wrote you all. We have played so many shows and met so many people. It was great being in towns like…..like….ummm…..P….Pah….Pahr…..Pahra……Paragins…ville? Paraginsville? Did we play in Paraginsville? I really can’t remember for the life of me. The past two weeks have become a complete blur. I think I can remember how many shows we played, just not when and where. Which is what is the most important, so I’m just going to make some up and maybe everyone can just….guess where these places actually exist and what their names actually are. So, let’s begin.

On the twenty-second of January, we played at the…….Spotted Lemur in Washaloadofclothes, OC and met Barney. He was amazing. Barney, I know that’s not your name, but you made that show…that one night.

On the….umm….of February, we played at the……..Sleeping Pill. No, the Light House, in Church Mountain, in the state of….Tar Heels. We met…people. I’m just going to spit out your names: Malbupt, Halmahkitsn, Pamamanin, and Greg.

On that of February, we went down to Oak, Tar Heel, and saw our good friend Coffee again. He’s great. By the way Latte, where’s our microphone? I met some other people that I was excited about meeting…can’t remember. So I apologize for the misprint below.
I love you.

On this past weekend, we went up for four and a half hours and played a show there and then traveled and stayed in an amazing hotel, courtesy of Grace and Allen Styer….I…..I remembered their names! I remembered their names! Thank you Mr. and Mrs. Styer! I have seen the name remembering light! Thank you again for allowing us to stay in your magnificent dwelling of pleasure. Grace and Allen. Wait. What if….what if I….misspelled your names? Remembering is no good if you can’t spell what you remember. Oh no. I’ll do my best to make your names look as elegant as possible, so if they are misspelled you could possibly be excited and distracted by the creativity that went into making them. So I will just start…

Graieessce and Ahlihnn Stieyor.

I hope those are right.

Love,
Me

P.S. Now that I’m beginning to remember… two names are jumping out at me… Olivia from the first show in that place and Josh from the second. I do remember these two wonderful people. Thank you for making my weekend, and possibly, my year.

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Dear Everybody,
It is twelve A.M. in my part of the world, I’m not quite feelin’ the flow. So this message could get a little……………awkward. So let’s begin this way: I am a man of many things. Many things require much of many things that are needed to have the many things that I possess. Now by many things I do not mean material things, for if I was talking about many material things, which I’m not, I would be talking about many material things, which I’m not talking about. Therefore the many things aren’t quite many things, even though I have stated that I am a man of many things then proceeded to tell you that these things were not material things and that I was and am not talking about things that are many in the material things realm of things, but perhaps things should be interpreted as layers. I am a man of many layers. By layers I do mean layers literally. Literal layers. Epidermal, dermal. Skin, bones. Muscle, bones. Bones, marrow. Marrow, cells. Cells, skin. Skin, hair. Hair, Bear. Bear, Animal. Animal, human. Human, me. Yes, indeed, LAYERS. LAYERS ARE WHAT MAKE US UP. UP US MAKE. SMAKE SUP SUS. SUSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSCESSSSSSSS!!!
That’s right. I went there.
Love,

Nathan

P.S.